Touche, cliche, it's all the same

If you're friends with me on facebook, you know that about the worst thing I can become (in my opinion) is a cliche. Which is what I have become.

I cook, clean, do laundry, bathe and clothe kids, and discipline like any mother does. But here begins my cliche stay-at-home-mom identity: I read books and eat chocolate chips while my kids nap. I blog and tweet and facebook. I make pies during the day and then snack on the filling. I am in a book club, for heaven's sake. Sounds a little like June Cleaver, no? (Though I am sure she would be horrified at the junk food I eat.)

Here's where I stray from that nice-ish cliche picture: I wear my pajamas until 1 pm or so, and when I change out of them, I don't even put on "street clothes"--the unsexy pj's are traded for elastic waistband shorts and t-shirts. I don't wear make-up unless I am going somewhere, like to a nice dinner, which NEVER happens, and I don't do my hair. So long, June Cleaver.

Also, to complete my transformation to the (unkempt) cliche, I just finished reading The Pioneer Woman's latest book. And, to make things even more stereotypical, I now follow her (charming) blog. Anyway. Since I have my own blog (THIS IS NOT A MOMMY BLOG. Wait. Is this a mommy blog?), I guess I must follow the correct format as much as possible. Mc(k?)Mama has a moniker for her husband, and so does Pioneer Woman. This got me thinking: is it a requisite that mom bloggers have online names for their husbands?

I asked Ryan this, and he said that I should start calling him Apple Man. At first, I thought he meant the fruit. That made no sense since he doesn't eat apples since I don't buy them since I don't like eating them. Then I realized he meant Apple as in iPhone, iMac, iPad, etc. Because he owns all of these, I assume he thinks he can be called the definitive Apple Man. Well, I don't think his logic holds up. (It rarely does.) (Sorry, "Apple Man," but it's true.)

So I am on a quest to find the perfect name for Ryan. Nerd Man? Random Man? Horrible Timing of Phone Calls Man?  No, those all seem. . . negative.

Money Man? Brilliant Man? Perfect Man? No, those all seem. . .exxageratory.

Ugh. I am so close to attaining the exact cliche of a stay-at-home-mom that I can taste it (or is that the chocolate pie filling?). All I lack is a moniker for my husband.  Do you have any suggestions?

Also, I don't know how to transition to this next thought, but it occurred to me today that brushing my teeth is a completely inefficient use of time. I mean, do I really have to stand still at the sink and move my toothbrush mere inches for two minutes straight? This can't be right! But I have tried to do other things while brushing, like pluck my eyebrows, get dressed, or put on deodorant, and I can't seem to manage it all. So I  must conclude that for those two minutes, I am relegated to doing some calf raises or something, but those aren't my friend since my calves are already too bulky to fit in winter boots, and for the love of fashion, I WANT TO WEAR BOOTS THIS WINTER. You know, for when I change out of my pj's.