Thursday, August 18, 2011

Touche, cliche, it's all the same

If you're friends with me on facebook, you know that about the worst thing I can become (in my opinion) is a cliche. Which is what I have become.

I cook, clean, do laundry, bathe and clothe kids, and discipline like any mother does. But here begins my cliche stay-at-home-mom identity: I read books and eat chocolate chips while my kids nap. I blog and tweet and facebook. I make pies during the day and then snack on the filling. I am in a book club, for heaven's sake. Sounds a little like June Cleaver, no? (Though I am sure she would be horrified at the junk food I eat.)

Here's where I stray from that nice-ish cliche picture: I wear my pajamas until 1 pm or so, and when I change out of them, I don't even put on "street clothes"--the unsexy pj's are traded for elastic waistband shorts and t-shirts. I don't wear make-up unless I am going somewhere, like to a nice dinner, which NEVER happens, and I don't do my hair. So long, June Cleaver.

Also, to complete my transformation to the (unkempt) cliche, I just finished reading The Pioneer Woman's latest book. And, to make things even more stereotypical, I now follow her (charming) blog. Anyway. Since I have my own blog (THIS IS NOT A MOMMY BLOG. Wait. Is this a mommy blog?), I guess I must follow the correct format as much as possible. Mc(k?)Mama has a moniker for her husband, and so does Pioneer Woman. This got me thinking: is it a requisite that mom bloggers have online names for their husbands?

I asked Ryan this, and he said that I should start calling him Apple Man. At first, I thought he meant the fruit. That made no sense since he doesn't eat apples since I don't buy them since I don't like eating them. Then I realized he meant Apple as in iPhone, iMac, iPad, etc. Because he owns all of these, I assume he thinks he can be called the definitive Apple Man. Well, I don't think his logic holds up. (It rarely does.) (Sorry, "Apple Man," but it's true.)

So I am on a quest to find the perfect name for Ryan. Nerd Man? Random Man? Horrible Timing of Phone Calls Man?  No, those all seem. . . negative.

Money Man? Brilliant Man? Perfect Man? No, those all seem. . .exxageratory.

Ugh. I am so close to attaining the exact cliche of a stay-at-home-mom that I can taste it (or is that the chocolate pie filling?). All I lack is a moniker for my husband.  Do you have any suggestions?

Also, I don't know how to transition to this next thought, but it occurred to me today that brushing my teeth is a completely inefficient use of time. I mean, do I really have to stand still at the sink and move my toothbrush mere inches for two minutes straight? This can't be right! But I have tried to do other things while brushing, like pluck my eyebrows, get dressed, or put on deodorant, and I can't seem to manage it all. So I  must conclude that for those two minutes, I am relegated to doing some calf raises or something, but those aren't my friend since my calves are already too bulky to fit in winter boots, and for the love of fashion, I WANT TO WEAR BOOTS THIS WINTER. You know, for when I change out of my pj's.


  1. Oh, so much to say!
    1. Believe it or not, you are bored. You don't dress because it isn't interesting. You eat because that is the only spike of happiness utterly apart from routine. You aren't a cliche, you are routinified.
    2. Ryan will need a name that sums him up in a neat tidy box so he can be relegated to the routinified status as well. Good luck with that. He doesn't go in boxes very well.
    3. Brushing teeth is an activity all by itself. Boring, yes.
    4. Boring, routine, cliche as it is, you are doing a great job with your family and your home. And I say this with my best southern drawl.

  2. I love your blog! I long for the cliche days! The nice and the not-so-nice-ish days. Think about doing all you are doing (teeth brushing included) and then think about cramming work on top of that! I hate rushing my son out the door in the morning, not having time at 7am to read him the book he brings me, carting him off to either my mom, mother-in-law, or the sitter, and trying to find time after work to spend with him amidst cooking dinner, laundry, and catching up on the housework that I didn't get to do all day because I was at work! I am living vivaciously through your blog, so keep it up sister! It makes me happy :). And as for Ryan..... How about Millionaire Man? I'm sure being a Millionaire is somewhere in the 5-year plan! Or maybe Plan Man? The guy always has a plan! :)

  3. I LOVE your posts!!! You always make me laugh :D

    As far as a name for Ryan how about She Used A Brownie Mix Man. No? Bit lengthy? I don't know why I'm laughing so hard at this right now, but I can't stop!!! Ohhhhh.... I'm giving myself asthma...

  4. OHHHHH you make me laugh so much!! I am with you on the mommy thing, my way of getting dressed up is actually putting on jeans/shorts that are not elastic. It's not that I'm bored like your mom suggested, I think it's just realistic in knowing I need to be comfortable and that by the end of the day, I will have milk, food, tears, drool all over me - so why waste the "good" clothes? (Sorry for the run-on sentence.) Anyway, brushing my teeth bothers me too, except I don't see it as a waste of time, I see it as annoying and I hate the taste. As for a name for Ryan, you got me. I've been trying to think of one for Justin for awhile now. I usually just end up with "Hubby."

    Hope to get pocket called later! :)

  5. Your love of life shines forth - fun post! Loving the life you have, laughing at the expected and unexpected, all the while you're doing the spiritual practice and discipline of being a wife, mother, friend, and writer. :)

    The other question, an all-encompassing moniker suggestion for Ryan ... will have to await a brainstorm.

  6. We will shop for big calf boots together. :-)

  7. What about Mr. Bond? Or Mr. 007... too cliche? :-) The pie was delicious.